exams give me adrenaline rush weeeeee

i need to exercise when the holiday starts. i guess i will have time anyway.

the weather was awesome todaaaay. no heavy showers in mid afternooon that makes me feel sleepy. and the clouds were fucking pretty. wished i captured it down with my phone. but all i did was sit in my dad's and admire the pretty skyline.

im going to the food fair with momo tomorroooooow <3

maybe there is an end

maybe i just need more time to think things through

im feeling fat and the exams are coming. which means i'll feel even fatter because i will be stuffing food my mouth every other hour to make sure my mind doesnt stray while im reading my notes. works like that see, when i read my notes, my mind tends to stray. but when i eat, chew , use my hand to put the snack in my mouth, the attention is directed to all that action and my mind can concentrate. okay i know that didnt make sense. just know that i m gonna be stuffing a lot of food, junk food, in my mouth.

guess i'll be on hiatus. two weeks only though and im done with the semester. my goodness. time really flies. and that sounded really cliche. i need to go and study more, learn to write analytically o.o and yada yada. just 5 daysssss. and i'll be free for the month. hope i dont have to go back to hall often for random stuff. sigh.

i woke up today feeling like i am in need of major retail therapy. haha. i need shoes and a cardigan. and pretty dresses. :)

my ts practical exam's next week. closest thing to proper theatre that im doing. i may consider joining nus stage in year two after talking about it with my friend. my ts prac groupmates are pretty fun. most of them though.

alright back to the books!

tumblr is awesome

its my new distraction! been following a few tumblr and i've found awesome shitzzzz

check out my own tumblr :)

http://nixus.tumblr.com
yes how original heehee.

one day when all my tears have dried up

maybe i'll fly away

am i misunderstood ?

why am i unreasonable
why am i selfish
why am i childish
why is it so hard for me to just tell the truth
why do i cry so much
why do i feel so righteous
why do i scream
why do i shout
why am i female
why do i care so much
why do i think so much
why can't i just let it go
why do i have to talk

its amazing how quarrels with my parents end with them being able to continue with their normal routine, while i sit in my room to dwell on things.

fuck
fuck it all
fuck my life
fuck my angst
fuck my tears
fuck

it's been long! its friday and im not happy about it. :( can't exactly get out of hall cos there's TS practical rehearsals tml. means i can't be home. means i wont get to see momo. yikes.

but this week has been relatively good. did a fair bit of studying. i mean exams round the cornerrrrrrr. i tink i will have way more time to study next week and i need to get my ass down to doing it. seriously. and i hope i can. spend monday moping around though. haha. then tuesday was spent  studying and having meetings till i just crashed in bed after everything. wed was spent finishing up the cultural studies project and im happy with my part! oh yey. spent a lovely evening with mo. dinner and walking around tampines. nothing much but it felt really nice to get out of school and spend an evening together. thursday was spent having lectures and coincidentally dealing with a lot of gender and sexuality issues in all my classes. which were all very interesting.

i went to audition for dramafest at night at eusoff hall. it went pretty okay i guess. some of the script were pretty interesting. i do hope i get casted. would love to act! and today was a productive day too. we spent about 3 hours settling our practical exams script and coming up with tunes for the songs in the play. it is pretty brechtian in style and there is no standard musical composition for the songs. we had to think of it and it was pretty fun coming up with all sorts of tune and actually making it sound good and coherent.

i've pretty much finished most of my tutorials and lecture and that means 1 semester is almost gone.  i gotta say this first semester in school has been pretty enjoyable. the intellectual engagment part i guess. everyday i go to school to learn about new issues that keeps me coming back for more. sure, i feel lazy sometimes but these few weeks, i've been better assimilated into the school environment, so school has really been fulfilling.  im looking forward to more interesting modules next sem i guess. hall life has been over rated in my point of view. i use to think about how much fun i would have and all but its all based on the circumstances you're in i guess. oh well. nevertheless, i have settled down a little since the start the school and im glad about it.

and we're entering into another stage which i have never been before. im glad for the way things are going. and im really appreciative for someone like that in my life. we've got a long way to go but hey, i plan to enjoy this ride :)

I MUST STUDY I MUST STUDY I MUST STUDY. STUDY SMART.

i need to get out of my own head.

my neurosis is getting to me. somebody save me

the weekend was pretty shitty. but i manage to shit a lot this week. maybe all i should blog about should be my bowel movements. no. of cos not. it just annoys me that part of my mother's concerns about me is my bowel movement. i cannot control it but i can do things to make it happen. like many other things in my life actually.

i annoyed and angered people all the same. i am annoying, i am angry at the world, i am angry with myself, i hate myself for doing the things i do and did not do. i dont understand a lot of things. i wish i was smarter. i wish i could think more. i wish i wouldn't have to deal with all this. i wish for a lot of things. i wish for a dog too. okay sorry the last part was random. i'm a angsty person. on a sunday evening. and there's a list of things to do at the back of my mind. im not retrieving it. everyone should leave me alone.

sigh. time to start charting out my study timetable. tidy up my room to make it more conducive for studying. or maybe i shld jus go to the business library to study every night. hmmm. or just lock my laptop. hoho. the laptop is the evil being always calling out to me. like the bags on the spree website. if i spent another 50 bucks on that awesome bag i saw. im gonna be damn broke. hohoho. now i wish i was back relief teaching. maybe if im not staying in hall next year, then i'll find stuff to occupy myself. feel like teaching drama to kids or sth. could earn a little more pocket money and do what i like. my ts prac friend was talking to us about it and all. i can't wait for my exams to be over. i;ll be catching 3 plays in the month of december. weepeedoo

im gonna take a nap and clear my head.

have a good week ahead people.