it's been long! its friday and im not happy about it. :( can't exactly get out of hall cos there's TS practical rehearsals tml. means i can't be home. means i wont get to see momo. yikes.

but this week has been relatively good. did a fair bit of studying. i mean exams round the cornerrrrrrr. i tink i will have way more time to study next week and i need to get my ass down to doing it. seriously. and i hope i can. spend monday moping around though. haha. then tuesday was spent  studying and having meetings till i just crashed in bed after everything. wed was spent finishing up the cultural studies project and im happy with my part! oh yey. spent a lovely evening with mo. dinner and walking around tampines. nothing much but it felt really nice to get out of school and spend an evening together. thursday was spent having lectures and coincidentally dealing with a lot of gender and sexuality issues in all my classes. which were all very interesting.

i went to audition for dramafest at night at eusoff hall. it went pretty okay i guess. some of the script were pretty interesting. i do hope i get casted. would love to act! and today was a productive day too. we spent about 3 hours settling our practical exams script and coming up with tunes for the songs in the play. it is pretty brechtian in style and there is no standard musical composition for the songs. we had to think of it and it was pretty fun coming up with all sorts of tune and actually making it sound good and coherent.

i've pretty much finished most of my tutorials and lecture and that means 1 semester is almost gone.  i gotta say this first semester in school has been pretty enjoyable. the intellectual engagment part i guess. everyday i go to school to learn about new issues that keeps me coming back for more. sure, i feel lazy sometimes but these few weeks, i've been better assimilated into the school environment, so school has really been fulfilling.  im looking forward to more interesting modules next sem i guess. hall life has been over rated in my point of view. i use to think about how much fun i would have and all but its all based on the circumstances you're in i guess. oh well. nevertheless, i have settled down a little since the start the school and im glad about it.

and we're entering into another stage which i have never been before. im glad for the way things are going. and im really appreciative for someone like that in my life. we've got a long way to go but hey, i plan to enjoy this ride :)

I MUST STUDY I MUST STUDY I MUST STUDY. STUDY SMART.

i need to get out of my own head.

my neurosis is getting to me. somebody save me

the weekend was pretty shitty. but i manage to shit a lot this week. maybe all i should blog about should be my bowel movements. no. of cos not. it just annoys me that part of my mother's concerns about me is my bowel movement. i cannot control it but i can do things to make it happen. like many other things in my life actually.

i annoyed and angered people all the same. i am annoying, i am angry at the world, i am angry with myself, i hate myself for doing the things i do and did not do. i dont understand a lot of things. i wish i was smarter. i wish i could think more. i wish i wouldn't have to deal with all this. i wish for a lot of things. i wish for a dog too. okay sorry the last part was random. i'm a angsty person. on a sunday evening. and there's a list of things to do at the back of my mind. im not retrieving it. everyone should leave me alone.

sigh. time to start charting out my study timetable. tidy up my room to make it more conducive for studying. or maybe i shld jus go to the business library to study every night. hmmm. or just lock my laptop. hoho. the laptop is the evil being always calling out to me. like the bags on the spree website. if i spent another 50 bucks on that awesome bag i saw. im gonna be damn broke. hohoho. now i wish i was back relief teaching. maybe if im not staying in hall next year, then i'll find stuff to occupy myself. feel like teaching drama to kids or sth. could earn a little more pocket money and do what i like. my ts prac friend was talking to us about it and all. i can't wait for my exams to be over. i;ll be catching 3 plays in the month of december. weepeedoo

im gonna take a nap and clear my head.

have a good week ahead people.

fresh wounds, old wounds. all ripped open.

i wonder if the essence of my eyes could heal it all.

a beautiful morning tarnished.

ate so much jackfruits i nearly puke during lunch today. i tink yingxuan will laugh at me. im on a fruit rampage. its to make me shit better so i dun have to hear my mother nag about my bowel movements sorry for all the details but i just wanna prove my point. hahha

the central library toilet stinks . it has a damn weird fragrance. its gross actually.

no lessons tml and im going back home to stare at my brother stare at the tv, hear my mother's questions and laugh at my dad. in the comfort of my home, returning to a bit of normalcy and having some of my old sanity back.

i just finished a RP program. was about past romantic relationships. not that i have many and my memories were repressed. i tink i had a hard time trying to gather things about it. got me thinking though. im not in a very good mood so i guess its down to long bus rides and plugging into my darling mp3. i need to update my library with better songs. i keep listening to the same old playlist. its like im not moving on. haha.

oh well . cultural night tml. it really feels good to be invisible , as oppressed as you can be.

im not reaching out. im craving for a certain stability, with something, with someone. anything. i dont know how long it will take me to find it, to build it, but i know i will find it. gut instinct tells me so.

have a good week ahead people! and take care of yourselves.

had a goooood weekend. always feel loved when i go back.

spent my saturday morning having a productive group meeting with my cultural studies group. spent a pretty quiet afternoon with momo at his house. :) made my way down to my grandma's after that. aunts said i lost weight. which i disagreed with and my grandfather offered to cook fish for me every weekend since i dun get awesome fish in hall. hahaahah. and my grandmother offered me a lot of food. so yes. i feel very very loved during the weekends by many people.

friday was spent dragging myself from tutorial to tutorial. english tutorial was as usual pretty mind boggling. met ziwei after school to make my way down to the airport! had crystal jade for dinner. ate some weird peanut sauce noodles that i didnt like but there were xiao long baos to compensate for. heehee. sent sabrina off. HAVE FUN!. haha

headed down to jenifer's house to get her car to go for dessert. we ended up waiting for her mum for quite some time. so we painted our nails. hahahah. waited for chang sheng to knock off from work and we headed to udders for dessert. ice cream, stupid accidents and non stop laughing made my night awesome yo. haha.

coming wed is cultural night! and outing with the MOQers.

I WANT TO CATCH BON JOVI LIVE