it has to go through ups and downs no matter what.

today was awesome. julie and julia. cinnamon caramel and loads of food <3

i look forward to the weekends!

sunday morning and im sitting in my air conditioned room, plugged into my mp3, doing my work. this is peace. :) feels sooooo good to be back home alright. waking up in hall everyday seem depressing as compared to waking up at home. 

i feel like watching black and white movies again. maybe i'll make a trip down to chinatown next week to get them. ahhh relive the good ole days of just walking about singapore by myself. actually i din go to much places la. din have the time. for one, i would want to go the musuem again. and watch arty farty films! maybe when i've cleared all my darn projects.

good thing though. my readings will decrease next weeek. wooooo and we've been watching movies in lecture! i like.

okay no life la i know always talk about school. next week i update about my newly bought film noirs okay.

i wish car rides took longer. so that i can listen to more songs to remind me of all the hope and faith i should have.

i was walking back to my room from school the other day and i thought about jalene flying over to australia and adapting to a new life. i really really hope she will have an awesome time there and learn as much things as she can. :) and then i thought about how trapped i am in my circumstances. the grass will always be greener on the other side i guess. well i guess tt afternoon was a lonely day in school (which is everyday except friday) haha. at that moment, i started thinking about making plans to run away to some place and just do sth new. and then i realise i dont have a direction in my life. funny it should come from me. the only direction that i know of and am going in is the one set by society for me. i lived up to society's expectations. now what? now to finish up my 4 years, go to NIE, then move to the job. get married, have children, nurture them. sure its how i envision my future. and somehow i feel trapped by that.  i dont want to do away with the security of all that, but just tonight i was thinking about my future in the bus and  i started to think, maybe i should consider thinking about doing... something different. maybe when i have gotten things settled down in my life. but seriously. when will that be?

and then i think of my parents and how i need to support them till they leave this world. SIGH. maybe i will go and make lots of money first before leaving singapore to pursue sth different. make a difference to the children in cambodia. save the world. yeah right.  haha . well i can dream can i? i hope i do find a direction, a revelation somehow in this life. haha. i guess im looking forward to being on my death bed at an old age reflecting my life. SO DRAMA. no la. learn lessons along the way, take things as it comes, take a chill pill. :) actually tts what my ah bu tells me all the time.

too much is too little. i wish i could do away with all the emotional negotiation but i should never take the easy way out . this is something worth holding on to right? i dont know what the future holds. whether it turns out well or not, i leave it to my own best efforts and maybe fate. 

on the other hand, there are things worth looking forward to in my life. im meeting the evils tml! if i can get out of sunday family day. these awesome people are gonna make my day. woooooo. in times like this, im really glad to have made good friends back in secondary sch and junior college.

other than that my week ahead is not very exciting. ._.

i wanna go and catch a play.

the finger players is coming up with a new one in dec! woohoohoo i cannot wait for that.

im...tired.. should i continue with my work? tink i'll just go offline, snuggle up nicely in bed with my favourite songs (mostly emo) , think about things and drift off to sleep. i'll prob drift off to sleep really soon though. boo. haha. im starting to see lines when i look elsewhere already lol. guess i better go and sleep.

my cultural studies groupmates are awesome!!!! hahaha.

im starting to enjoy cold weathers. its beautiful, especially when you're alone.

and i thought this would be a tear-less year. tears are only meant for a passing of someone dear and touching movies. not hating the being that i am.

tgif people!

hellloooo s'been long.

my workload has been pretty okay. just need to rush one or two papers. well part of anyway. i just realise there isn't much time left. ohmy god. i was just looking at the calendar and realise i have 3 papers to submit. group papers and then its down to studying for the end of year exams. yikes. then its the holidays!!!! i cannot wait for it to come but on the other hand, the closer it creeps by ,the tighter my deadlines become.

and i haven been speaking much, i am serious. hahaha. oh wellllll. today was dark and rainy. i laid on my bed wasting about 40 mins listening to tanya chua songs. seemed like a really long time ago since i listened so intently to her songs.  and it seemed really long ago it felt like a dream. it dawned on me today that i haven thought about it for a really long time and i guess its a good thing.

if i had more time and less work and commitments, i would go to the central library and spam dvds.

but on the other hand, i will be down for rehearsals everyday next week i guess. my directorial debut. HAHAHA. okay no la. i have directed stuff before but its just you know secondary school stuff. i guess the next time i will really get to act is during our next staje production. or i could try auditioning for dramafest. ladidadida.

i dread the weekends. note to self: attitude adjustments. sigh

after all that has been said. i figured i have a lot of growing up to do. there is the cold hard truth in all that was said to me. its not that i don't care. i just dont know why its so hard to listen properly to people's words. 

I'm currently sitting in the lobby of sheares hall waiting for Athena to come and have supper with me! Omg this is the first time I'm blogging with my phone. Wee. I want supper i want supper! its gonna be Friday in 15 mins! Yey. This week seemed to have passed really quickly. Maybe cos my schedule has been really packed! Shopping was fun yesterday. Got a cute camisole from uniqlo and a graphic shirt from pull and bear. I need shoes and a cardigan too. I heart my shopping buddies. Lol. I finally got to drive too. Though it was as usual, a rather dangerous ride. Haha. Oh well. Tgif! I'm meeting awesome ppl after school tml! Wooooo

im hungry and smelly. :(

i blogged a lot about local theatre after watching these children are dead as performed by nora samosir in lecture performance style but my bloody laptop had to get stuck in another dimension or so. now its all gone  ERGH :(

project meeting later and shopping with my shopping buddies. WEEPEEDOO.

i wish i could numb myself more. i understood a lot of things after i turn 18. all thanks to those times with the music and alone time. sudden realisation of how glad things turn out this way. i guess i am grateful.

and now more succumbing to oppressive forces in my life. yey.

gonna go shower now and get some awesome carbs into my system. carbs carbs here i comeeeeeeee.